Where the hell are you? I've gone through 4 of your kin this year because you keep disappearing. Have you been stolen by my flatmate? Did you elope with my usb?
Please come home. My hair is messy.
Dear Doorframes,
why the hell do you jump out and attack me when I'm just trying to walk past?
I didn't do anything to provoke this. I think you must be in cahoots with the doorknob, judging by how often it smacks me in the shoulder.
Please stop, you're only hurting yourself.
Dear Headphones. (cc: laptop charger)
What the hell guys? I place you on the floor beside my bed each night and awake in the morning to find you in the middle of what must, for you, be an intimate amorous embrace. Cut that out.
It's just not right. Also it's really inconvenient and confusing for me.
If you don't change your ways I will separate you.
Dear Bed,
You're awesome. Don't change a thing.
To all,
From Jepha.
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